How to avoid killing your relationship but save it instead.


Ever been in love or in a blissful relationship that suddenly begins to head downhill without a clear explanation? Ever been in a relationship where the idea of couple counseling crossed your mind due to certain issue you are having with your partner? Every arrived that point in a relationship where the hot flame of passion is suddenly going cold?

Quite a number of us have come to that point where it suddenly dawns on us that our once cherished relationship is actually crumbling around us. This is the point where we couple counseling or fixing things ourselves. The later should be your first opinion becuase nothing fixes troubled relationship better than the couple reconnecting by themselves. Couples with experience in using third party counselors to solve issue will testify to the fact that the real healing of wounds of the heart comes when they reconnect on a one on one basis. 

A Troubled Relationship Does Not Translate To A Breakup

A relationship gone sour does not always translate to a breakup, it really doesn’t have to be so. In reality, relationships don’t just go sour without a very good reason. Most often than not, there is some sort of negative behavior undermining or simply destroying the foundations of that relationship, which is based on love, trust, and friendship. What you need to do is attempt to identify that destroyer, fix it and watch the relationship take a turn for the better.

6 Quickest Ways to Effectively Kill Your Relationship

Below are 6 of the quickest and most common relationship killers there are, and attached are quick remedies to heal the wounds of the hearts involved:



1. The Blame and Shame Poison

That all-out abusive behavior that comes on at the drop of a hat, blaming and shaming may well be the quickest way to kill whatever connection you have to your partner. These behaviors communicate hatred and contempt for your partner. It shows that you view her or him as an inferior or as beneath you, one deserving of ridicule (scorn).

This situation has a poisonous effect on both the person receiving the shaming (scornful insults) and blame as well as the person dishing it out.

Quickest Remedy: Actually, there is no remedy here. Once the damage is done, that’s it. Precaution is the best way to go. Always begin argument or disagreement with the belief that the issue at hand is not a product of a character flaw in your partner. This way, both of you can deal with the problem in a dignified manner that results in a stronger relationship. There will be no exchange of insults or belittling of one another.
6 Quickest Ways to Effectively Kill Your Relationship

2. Kill Off The fun

A wonderful long-term relationship is built on fun which keeps that fire of love burning through thick and thin, go ask the ‘lived happily ever after couple’. I’m talking grandma and grandpa here.

Killing the fun in a relationship will damage it beyond repair. However, this is a situation that creeps up on couples without them really noticing. A man/husband just awakens one day, looks at his sleeping wife and asks himself, “When exactly was the last time we both had fun together?”

In the depths of an ongoing fight or argument, a woman/wife will turn on her husband and cry, “Can’t we just have fun like before?”

Indeed, once all the happiness and laughter fizzles out of the relationship, it then becomes a physical and mental struggle to stay together.

Quick Remedy: Think and identify those things that brought the joy to your hearts as a couple. There is no need to go back doing the exact same things again, in fact, this can be boring, but hey! Apart from the fact that there are tons of new activities just like that old one, you can both derive joy from the memory of old happiness and it will inject new hope of gutur3 happiness into your hearts and the relationship.  
6 Quickest Ways to Effectively Kill Your Relationship

3. Threaten To Break Up.

Threatening to break up with your partner (divorce them or move out) during misunderstandings or conflicts, gives them the deep-set impression that the relationship no longer matters very much to you.

While this sort of threat won’t work well for getting that which you want, they bring about something worse, they give the impression that you don’t value that relationship. The is one terrible implication that’s far more harmful than the original cause of the misunderstanding or conflict itself.

Quickest Remedy: Use anything but never the relationship as a leverage. Instead of saying, “If you go to Los Angles with those friends of yours, I’ll break up with you,” say instead, “If you go to Los Angeles with those friends of yours, it will upset me greatly.”

Think of it. The second statement is actually more honest, better still, it opens a door for a heart to heart talk where you both address the deeper issues of the matter. 
6 Quickest Ways to Effectively Kill Your Relationship

4. Bring Third Parties In To Settle You dispute.

A relationship truly based on love is like a non-disclosure contract. Your partner will not feel right talking about your flaws to another person, telling them freely the worst things about you.

Bringing in third parties to settle conflicts between you and your partner, a situation that forces your partner to bare private issues about your relationship can be dangerous, particularly if that third party is not an expert counselor who knows when to back out and give two hearts the opportunity to reconnect and heal.



Quick Remedy: Always try and then try again to settle conflicts in your relationships yourselves. Forget the five-star ratings given to marriage counselors, you'll be amazed at the results a heart to heart talk between you and your partner can yield.

5. Summon The Ghosts Of Exes.

Everyone, including teen lovers, know that talking about the exes is a relationship killer. Remembering them with a lot of fondness will induce jealousy from your current partner who might even become insecure in the relationship. On the other hand, speaking of them with too much disdain may leave your partner wondering if you have hidden anger issues. Relationships of the past are an obstinate part of your life story. They are best left in the past, but if you go conjuring up the ghost of exes ever so often, your current relationship will become haunted by your past.

Quick Remedy: Talk with your partner, communicate the things you liked (or disliked) about an ex’s behavior without actually mentioning that ex himself (or herself). Here is an example, instead of saying this, “My ex-boyfriend always cleaned up after himself,” do say this instead, “It would mean the world to me if you cleaned up after yourself.”

6. Always Keep a foot out the door.

Now here is the quietest relationship killer on the planet. A relationship might be going just right, by all accounts, but to you, it somehow feels…off. It feels kind of shaky but you can’t put your finger on the shady spot.

It wouldn’t surprise you one bit if your partner broke up with you today; the idea of putting an end to the relationship yourself has even crossed your mind many times, and each time it sounds plausible.

What you have here are the symptoms of keeping one foot out the door. You do not have both feet in. This relationship killer is not a sharp stabbing knife like blame and shame but it’s still pure poison. 
6 Quickest Ways to Effectively Kill Your Relationship

Quick Remedy: Be clearer in the way you think and act. While there’s really no need to commit yourself completely, body and soul, to every relationship you get into, relationships become quite painful when you do not know what’s going on. Time for a sit down with your partner, ask the questions and be honest with your own answers.


Do you get the feeling that your relationship suffers from one of these killers? Don’t turn to couple counseling just yet. What you need do is give things a healthy dose of complete behavior change. Your relationship may just recover superbly to become even better than it was before.

Take care now.

Cheers!

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