Couple Separation or Divorce is a terrible thing many never see coming until it hits and it often starts with squabbles that never needed to happen?

Most people do not realize how an ordinary comment — or the manner in which they were delivered — can make the other person feel. Yes, you don’t mean to wound, but then your words come out so wrong, or just too quickly, and that's it!

It’s very easy to get caught in these dire communication blunders, but, hey, it’s just as easy to avoid them completely. This requires some extreme patience, yes, but it's a lot better because avoiding couple separation and divorce is the best way to go where a valued relationship is concerned


5 Phrases You Must Never Say To Your Partner If You Want To Stay Together | Avoiding Couple Separation and Divorce

Now let's take a look at five common phrases, very simple statements that are seemingly normal but, when dropped the wrong way, can be disastrous to a relationship, leading to couple separation or divorce.

1. “What’s the big deal?”

A lot of us have been there: We do or say something quite harmless but get blindsided by the reaction of our loved one/partner. Before we know what's going on, saying something so simple as, “What’s the big deal?” transforms everything into a very big deal indeed.

Like me, Nicole McCance, a psychologist and relationship expert based over in Tornado believes that the problem is is that there’s a bit of judgment afoot here. “You’re implying your partner’s feelings at that point aren't justified, that they are not even right under the circumstance and that leaves a person feeling unsupported.”

According to Dr. McCance, a phrase such as: “I’m confused about why you are angry. Can you help me to understand?” can keep a dialogue going smoothly without actually dismissing your partner’s feelings.

2. “Let’s just drop it”

Yeah, all relationships have that moment of conflict, it's quite normal—  no one will ever agree with you at all times. However, when your instincts lead you to cut the conversation short before it blows up into something else, Dr. McCance feels that a better way to get this sentiment across to your partner might be to ask, “Can we just let it go?”

In truth, successful couples can let some things just be, letting go completely, but not all."

When something is bothering two people, shutting the topic down or the entire conversation, is not the answer, but sometimes it can be helpful to agree to disagree.

3. “Did you need to buy that?”

Money, they say, cannot by happiness but it sure is one of the most stressful topics in a relationship and so it’s important to consider the way you question spending habits of your partner.

Dr. McCance encourages couples to share their thoughts and feelings more specifically, so rather than [question your purchase] say instead, ‘It makes me uneasy when I look at our bank account.’

Stating exactly what you’re feeling often makes your partner less defensive. “Why? Because it’s actually a problem, your problem — you're feeling worried about spending, not your partner, and you trying to help them to understand exactly why.


4. “You always do this” or  “You never do that”

Here we go again with idiosyncrasies and rather annoying habits. These lead to nagging and resentment and the trouble begins.

“It’s difficult not to say ‘never’ but removing the absolute words can go a long way to ensure peace,” says McCance. There’s a huge difference between taking issue with the behavior of someone, as opposed to the person in particular.

“Pointing out the impact that particular behavior has on you is the key to change. Alternatively, if you end up on the receiving end of such a comment, it's helpful to say something such as “your words make me feel incompetent”. This gives your partner a chance to understand the magnitude of the impact their simple words have.


5. “Do what you want”

“Go on, go for it,” “knock yourself out,” “fill yer boots...”

There are quite a number of ways to express support for your partner, but if the tone used is passive aggressive instead of encouraging, it can lead to conflict. “These statements can be quite hurtful because you’re basically withdrawing support from your partner,”

This does not convey a sense of complacency, that indicates that you don’t care anymore, and so your partner feels alone. Say things like this instead, ‘I can’t get through to you right now, let’s talk later.’”


Conclusion

No one ever said relationships were easy but its good to give it your best shot. If all of these things above leaves you feeling like saying nothing at all is best, bear in mind that silence is a common danger zone too. It can even be a form of punishment.

So many of us need to learn how to apologize or reach out to our partner. Most times you don’t even have to say anything just an intimate or physical show of affection, like a smile or a backrub, will literally work miracles.

5 Phrases You Must Never Say To Your Partner If You Want To Stay Together | Avoiding Couple Separation and Divorce
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Laura Zeaman. MD

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